Finding Fulfillment: Compare Less, Live More

1. The Trap of Relative Deprivation

Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt an inexplicable sense of dissatisfaction with your life? Perhaps it was triggered by a friend’s promotion, an influencer’s idyllic vacation, or someone else’s seemingly perfect relationship. This unsettling emotion is tied to a phenomenon called relative deprivation—the feeling of inadequacy that arises when we measure our circumstances against others’ perceived success.

At its core, relative deprivation reflects how we perceive our well-being relative to others rather than how we’re doing objectively. Even if you’re making progress, seeing someone with “more”—be it wealth, happiness, or achievement—can leave you feeling like you’re falling short.

This psychological trap often leads to envy, frustration, or resentment, distorting our self-image and draining motivation. However, the issue often isn’t about what we lack but about how we measure our worth. In this post, we’ll explore how to escape the cycle of relative deprivation by shifting focus inward, using envy as a guide, and redefining competition.

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2. The Illusion of “Having It All”

In today’s hyper-connected world, relative deprivation thrives. Social media amplifies this effect, constantly exposing us to curated glimpses of others’ successes while masking the challenges and sacrifices behind the scenes.

The Social Media Effect

Social media creates a distorted reality where people showcase their highlights but rarely their struggles. A perfectly framed Instagram post or celebratory LinkedIn update often hides the sacrifices, stress, or trade-offs behind the achievement. This curated portrayal fosters a toxic cycle of comparison, leading us to undervalue our own progress and blessings.

A Personal Reflection

I once envied a friend’s promotion at a prestigious firm. Their LinkedIn post celebrated their achievement, leaving me feeling stagnant in my career. But when we spoke, they shared the personal sacrifices that accompanied their success—long hours, missed family time, and mounting stress. Realizing the hidden cost of their achievement helped me see that my envy was based on an incomplete picture.

The lesson? Success isn’t a one-dimensional concept. Without understanding the full story, comparisons are not only futile but misleading.

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3. Envy as a Reflection of Your Own Definition of Success

Envy often serves as a mirror, reflecting what we truly value. It’s not inherently negative—it’s a signal pointing to our desires, goals, and priorities.

Using Envy to Clarify Your Goals

Have you noticed that the things you envy align with your personal definition of success? For instance:

• Envying someone’s fitness transformation might reveal how much you value health and vitality.
• Feeling jealous of a friend’s creative accomplishments might highlight a desire to explore your own artistic aspirations.

When examined thoughtfully, envy can become a tool for self-discovery, helping you uncover what truly matters to you.

The Trade-Offs of Success

No one can have everything at once. Success in any area requires effort, sacrifice, and prioritization. For example:

• Climbing the corporate ladder often involves long hours, stress, and less personal time.
• Traveling the world may require financial trade-offs or delaying other goals like buying a home.

Understanding these trade-offs allows you to make intentional choices. Success isn’t about “having it all” but about pursuing what aligns most with your values.

Reflection Exercise: Identify what you envy and ask yourself:

1. Why does this trigger envy?
2. Am I willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve something similar?
3. If not, what can I prioritize that aligns better with my values?

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4. Life’s True Measure: Growth Over Comparison

Rather than comparing ourselves to others, a more fulfilling approach is to focus on personal growth—becoming better versions of ourselves.

The Power of Self-Comparison

When we measure ourselves against who we were yesterday, we appreciate progress that might otherwise go unnoticed. For example:

• Have you learned a new skill?
• Navigated a challenging situation?
• Strengthened a meaningful relationship?

These small but significant wins are far more valuable than trying to match someone else’s timeline or achievements.

An Inspiring Example

J.K. Rowling faced countless rejections before her Harry Potter series became a global phenomenon. Instead of comparing herself to more “successful” authors, she focused on refining her craft. Her persistence is a testament to the power of self-comparison and growth over external validation.

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5. Your Only Competition Is You

Viewing others as competitors often leads to endless dissatisfaction. But when you see yourself as your only competition, you shift the focus to what truly matters—your own progress and goals.

Reframing Competition

Instead of comparing yourself to others, use their achievements as inspiration to grow. For instance:

• If you envy someone’s career success, channel that emotion into improving your skills or exploring new opportunities.
• If you feel inadequate about your fitness, use it as motivation to establish a healthier routine.

The goal isn’t to replicate someone else’s life but to use their accomplishments as proof that growth is possible.

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6. Breaking Free: Practical Steps to Shift Your Mindset

Step 1: Practice Gratitude

Gratitude helps reframe your perspective by focusing on abundance rather than lack. Start a gratitude journal and list three things you’re thankful for each day.

Step 2: Set Personal Goals

Define success on your terms. Align your goals with your values, not societal expectations. Whether it’s prioritizing creativity, emotional growth, or relationships, your goals should reflect what truly matters to you.

Step 3: Limit Social Media Use

Curate your feed to include content that inspires rather than compares. Set boundaries for screen time to prevent falling into the comparison trap.

Step 4: Reflect Regularly

Schedule regular self-reflection to evaluate your progress. Ask:

• What have I achieved recently?
• Am I better today than I was yesterday?

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7. Transforming Envy Into Inspiration

Envy doesn’t have to be destructive. When reframed, it can motivate you to pursue your aspirations and push your boundaries.

Reframing Envy

Instead of resenting others’ successes, view them as evidence that achievement is possible. Ask yourself: What steps can I take to reach my version of success?

An Inspiring Example

Serena Williams has often credited her sister Venus as her biggest rival and greatest inspiration. Watching Venus achieve greatness motivated Serena to push her own limits, transforming sibling rivalry into a shared pursuit of excellence.

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8. Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination

Fulfillment isn’t found in a single achievement; it’s cultivated in the process of growth and effort. Life is a series of moments, and it’s the meaning we derive from those moments—not the end result—that truly defines our happiness. Whether you’re learning a new skill, nurturing relationships, or pursuing a dream, the journey is where transformation and joy lie.

Celebrate Small Wins

Recognize and reward milestones, no matter how small they may seem. Every step forward is a testament to your effort and perseverance. Did you complete a workout, learn a new word in a language you’re studying, or take a bold step outside your comfort zone? These are all wins worth celebrating. Acknowledging these moments keeps you motivated, reinforces your commitment, and helps you appreciate your unique path.

By shifting your focus to the journey, you not only find deeper fulfillment in the present but also build resilience and perspective for the future. Remember, the journey isn’t just the path to success—it’s where life happens.

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9. Conclusion: Compare Less, Live More

Relative deprivation robs us of joy by shifting focus outward. When we choose to measure success through personal growth rather than external benchmarks, we reclaim our perspective and motivation.

Fulfillment isn’t about having what others have—it’s about appreciating your own journey, setting meaningful goals, and staying true to your values. Remember, your only competition is the person you were yesterday. By comparing less and living more, you unlock the potential for lasting contentment and growth.