From Kids To Grown-Ups: Forgiving Our Parents

It was a quiet afternoon, and I was sitting alone in a cozy coffee shop, the kind with warm lighting and soft chatter in the background. As I sipped my coffee, a song began to play—Older by Sasha Alex Sloan. At first, it was just a melody in the air, but then the lyrics hit me: “My parents aren’t heroes; they’re just like me.”

The words caught me off guard, stirring something deep within. I sat there, transfixed, as the song unfolded truths I had never fully acknowledged. It was as if the song had unlocked a hidden door in my mind, and behind it was a flood of memories from my childhood and a newfound perspective on my parents.

That afternoon, the coffee shop became more than a place to relax. It became a space for reflection—a space where I began to truly understand the journey from being a child to becoming an adult who sees their parents for who they really are.

** If you haven’t heard the song before, I encourage you to read the full lyrics, which I’ve included at the end of this post. They might touch you as deeply as they touched me.

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The Silent Sacrifices of Parenthood

“Most of the time, we forget that our parents were once young, too.”

As children, we often see our parents only in the context of their roles—providers, protectors, and sometimes, disciplinarians. We rarely think of them as individuals with dreams, fears, and desires of their own.

When I was a child, I remember my father coming home late from work, his shoulders heavy with exhaustion. At the time, I thought nothing of it. To me, it was just what dads did. But now, I realize those long hours weren’t for himself; they were for us. Every late night, every missed opportunity for relaxation or personal growth, was a choice he made to give us a better life.

My mother’s sacrifices were quieter but just as profound. She loved painting—our home was once filled with her artwork. But as I grew older, her brushes and canvases disappeared, replaced by packed school lunches, neatly folded clothes, and late-night homework help. She never complained; she just gave.

Parenthood isn’t just about raising children; it’s about setting aside parts of yourself to ensure your children have what they need. It’s a silent act of love, one that often goes unnoticed until we’re old enough to see it for what it truly is.

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Seeing Parenthood Through the Lens of Older

Sasha Alex Sloan’s Older captures this transformation beautifully. “My parents aren’t heroes; they’re just like me.” As children, we often place our parents on pedestals, expecting them to be perfect. But as we grow older, we begin to see the cracks in their armor—their mistakes, their struggles, and their humanity.

The realization that our parents aren’t superheroes can be jarring. Growing up, I often questioned their decisions. Why were they so strict about certain things? Why did they seem to argue about money? Why didn’t they chase their dreams?

But the more I reflected on their choices, the more I understood. They weren’t trying to be perfect; they were trying to do their best. And sometimes, their best meant sacrificing their own aspirations for the sake of their family.

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Childhood Memories and My Realization

When I think back to my childhood, there’s one memory that stands out. I was about eight years old, and my class was hosting a talent show. I wanted to perform but didn’t have a costume. That night, my mother stayed up late, stitching together an outfit from scraps of fabric she had saved.

At the time, I was just excited to have something to wear. I didn’t realize the effort and love behind it. But now, as I recall her sitting under the dim kitchen light, sewing late into the night after a full day of work, I see it differently. That costume wasn’t just an outfit—it was a gift, a piece of her time and energy she gave to make me happy.

Similarly, I remember my father giving up a promotion that would have required us to move. I didn’t understand the weight of that decision then. He simply said, “I think it’s better for us to stay here.” Now I realize that staying meant stability for us but likely meant letting go of something he wanted for himself.

These memories, so ordinary at the time, now shine with the quiet sacrifices my parents made. They remind me that behind every seemingly simple decision was a love so deep it often went unnoticed.

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The Journey to Forgiveness

Listening to Older in that coffee shop, I realized that part of growing up is learning to forgive—not just our parents for their imperfections but also ourselves for not understanding them sooner.

As a teenager, I often clashed with my parents, feeling frustrated by their rules and decisions. I couldn’t see beyond my own perspective. But adulthood has taught me to see the bigger picture. Their choices weren’t always perfect, but they were made with the best intentions.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring the times they fell short. It means acknowledging their humanity, recognizing their struggles, and choosing to let go of resentment. It means replacing judgment with empathy and seeing their sacrifices as proof of their love.

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The Call to Reflect

That song not only helped me forgive but also inspired me to learn more about my parents as people. I started asking them questions—about their childhood, their dreams, and the life they imagined before they had kids.

I learned that my mother once dreamed of opening her own art studio and that my father had always wanted to travel the world. Those dreams didn’t disappear; they were just put on hold. Hearing their stories made me appreciate them even more, not just as my parents but as individuals who made incredible sacrifices to give me a better life.

If you haven’t already, take the time to ask your parents about their lives. You might be surprised at what you learn and how it deepens your understanding of them.

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Honoring Their Love

Sasha Alex Sloan’s lyrics say, “I used to be mad, but now I know…” That line has stayed with me. It’s a reminder to move beyond frustration or misunderstandings and instead honor the sacrifices our parents made for us.

We honor them by living fully, by appreciating the life they worked so hard to give us, and by showing them the empathy they showed us in their own way.

At the end of this post, I’ve included the full lyrics to Older. I encourage you to read them. They might inspire you to reflect on your own childhood and your parents’ journey—and perhaps even start a conversation that brings you closer together.

Because in the journey from kids to grown-ups, understanding and forgiving our parents is one of the most humbling and transformative steps we can take.

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✏️ Below are the full lyrics to Sasha Alex Sloan’s song “Older.”

I used to shut my door while my mother screamed in the kitchen
I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen
To every little fight, 'cause neither one was right

I swore I'd never be like them
But I was just a kid back then

The older I get the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go
It just hadn't hit me yet
The older I get

I used to wonder why, why they could never be happy
I used to close my eyes and pray for a whole 'nother family
Where everything was fine, one that felt like mine

I swore I'd never be like them
But I was just a kid back then

The older I get the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go
It just hadn't hit me yet
The older I get

The older I get the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go
It just hadn't hit me yet
The older I get